The Amazing Adventures of Josie and Seb

February 13, 2010

Josie – UGH.

Filed under: apartment, human training, sadface — Cate @ 7:08 am

I'm voting her OFF THE ISLAND.

Bitch. Please.

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February 3, 2010

What We Do When We Are Unemployed

Filed under: apartment, human training, pictures — Cate @ 8:48 am

We read. Constantly.

We goof around.

We TRY to nap but the STUPID HUMANS won’t LEAVE ME ALONE.

We vie for attention. (And watch Law & Order.)

…Seriously. Do you want to die?

We strike poses that should be embroidered on pillows.

We keep our humans in check.

(Actually, I’m pretty sure being annoying is Josie’s full-time job.)

November 24, 2009

In which my cat steals my boyfriend.

Me, to Joe, on LoveSac: Hey, precious…why don’t you move over a bit and let’s snuggle?

Joe: Let’s do!

(he moves over, we cuddle for .02 seconds)

(enter Josie, leaping with a MRAAAAAAAA onto Joe’s chest)

Joe: Well hi there, girly.

(he is a good human; he pets Josie)

Josie: Purrrrrrrrrrr

(I am forced to adjust so Joe’s arms are free to pet the kitty)

Me: Um…this is kind of…um…uncomfortable.

Josie: Purrrrrrrrrrr, purrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrr

(I teeter on the edge of the LoveSac; Josie is sprawling)

Me: Um…honey…babe…do you think you could…

Josie: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Joe: Huh? What? Did you say something?

Me: I said, do you thi….

Josie: PUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Joe, to Josie: Oh, what a good sweet little kitten…such a good, pwetty widdle kitty…

(kissy noises)

Me: Ah…well. I guess I’ll…I’m going to…go sit on the couch?

Josie: Purrrrrrrr. heh-heh. Purrrr.

And scene.

True story.

November 9, 2009

In which I take to bed for days.

Filed under: apartment, conversations, human training, pictures, sadface — Cate @ 5:45 pm

Thursday I left work early because I wasn’t feeling so hot. Luckily I came home to two considerate critters who just wanted to make sure I was comfortable and taken care of. (Joe wasn’t home, but when he did get home he had THREE LITERS of soup. Caretaker of the year, right there.) I didn’t do much of anything all weekend, except sleep and lay in the SickSac and watch movies. I didn’t have the energy for more than that. (That’s not true, I guess…I did put in a few hours on my thesis.)

josie-window

La da da de daaaa...

josie-window2

Oh. Human. You're home. What gives?

seb-toy

DO YOU FEEL BETTER NOW?

josie-head

Shove off, pooch. Hey, Human, how about a nice deep-organ massage?

josie-seb

What an ungrateful so-and-so...

seb-tummy

DO YOU FEEL BETTER NOW?

josie-joe

I've chosen Joe as my human. Being sick makes you a lazy slave.

seb-chair

...do you feel better now?

joe-animals2

Actually...we both choose Joe.

josie-window3

Whatever. You all bore me.

 

And thus I was magically healed by love and pet dander.

The End.

November 1, 2009

What’s grey and brown and sleeps all over?

Filed under: apartment, conversations, human training — Cate @ 5:25 pm

What birthday weekend would be complete without a game of “where’s my cat?”

Cate: Has anyone seen Josie? HELLO HELLO? Josie? Anyone?

Joe: Eh. No.

Seb: Don’t look at me.

seb floor

I'm old and I want to sleep.

Cate: Wait. Wait, wait. What is that?

josie sac1

Hark, what doth slumber in my LoveSac?

Cate: I should have known.

josie sac2

I'm young and I sleep 23/7.

Josie: Great detecting, Sherlock. Now scram!

October 26, 2009

Happiness is…

Filed under: human training, pictures, pittsburghing — Cate @ 4:53 pm

A boy.

A dog.

A tree.

A stick.

A season.

September 15, 2009

It was inevitable…

Filed under: human training, pictures — Cate @ 4:31 pm

Since Joe and Josephine have starting spending their days together, a funny thing has happened. She’s started training him, hypnotizing him into rethinking his priorities. Like any human who believes he is in control, Joe will deny this, but Josie and I know it’s true.

Joe has a cat now. Or, more accurately, the cat has a Joe.

I’ve had my suspicions for a while already, having observed how Josie tries to lay on his face in bed instead of mine. She lays at my feet, the little vixen. Oh, sure, to the layperson it sounds like I’ve trained her, but I know what she’s planning.

EXHIBIT A!

cate3_365

That’s Josie in bed with my boyfriend, happily snuggled up in the spot I vacated. She creeps up from the bottom of the bed and plunks herself down next to him. “Neener, neener,” she might say, if cats used such language.

Let’s move on to Exhibit B, shall we?

I don’t actually have photographic evidence of this, but believe me when I say that the other night, as Joe and I watched something or another,  Seb came over to say hello and Josie swatted at him. “Bad doggie!” her balled up little paw clearly said. “My humans! Especially the bald one. He’s my special project.”

Sebastian gave her the canine equivalent of “bitch, please,” but the fact remains: she is moving in on his turf.

Finally, and most conclusively I dare say, Exhibit C.

As I downloaded the pictures from the Highland Games from my camera’s memory card, I found a few photos Joe had taken. Three or four of his bike (his love, his obsession, his baby) and almost a dozen of Miss Josie!* Not only that, but they are some of the most adorable shots I’ve ever seen of her.

I ask you: is a man not under the spell of a cat even capable of such things?

josie1

josie2I rest my case.

*I trust that you’ll provide your own “DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN” as appropriate here.

August 3, 2009

The Case of the Grey-Striped Cat

Filed under: human training — Cate @ 3:15 pm

Today began very oddly. First: my alarm didn’t go off, which ended up not being an issue because I was awake well in time anyway. Second, and more disturbingly: Josie didn’t crawl on my face at 5am. I woke up feely a little detached from reality, wondering if I wasn’t dreaming myself waking up. It seemed real enough. But where was Josie?

I called out, “Josie?” Nothing. She wasn’t sitting in front of the bedroom window or on the rug next to my bed or in my closet (her new favorite place). I started to get a little anxious.

I walked all through to apartment calling her. Nothing. No little meows, no grumbly purring, no thuds as she jumped to the floor from whatever perch. Zip. Zilch. Nada.

For a loud cat like Miss Jos, that’s cause for concern. I checked all her usual spots: the kitchen, the bath tub, her litter box. I even checked behind the couch in case she got stuck back there again. No kitty.

What’s a girl to do? Call off work to find my missing cat? Take to bed in a swoon?

I decided to retrace my steps and look in all the places I’d already looked. Just in case. Maybe she was under the bed or in the closet and didn’t want to answer me. Maybe she ate a bad bug and was feeling poorly. Maybe she’d been eating leftover carpet crap off the floor. Maybe she’d been poisoned. Who could drive us to the vet if we needed to go?

Finally I found her, laying in between boxes on the window shelf in the office, watching me go back and forth with an amused look on her face that clearly said, “human, you are so dumb.” If cats had eyebrows, hers would have been arched.

I’m glad she’s okay, but jeez…maybe tomorrow she could just walk on  my face like usual and spare me the anguish!

whatever.

whatever.

July 23, 2009

Some freaking results!

Filed under: apartment, human training, pictures, triumph! — Cate @ 2:17 pm

I am very pleased to report that I’ve finished the carpet project in two out of three rooms. (And it would have been three of three, but I ran out of the papers towels I was using to scrub up padding. It seemed like the universe saying, “Cate, go home,” so I did.) For those of you keeping score at home, that means the bedroom and living room/entry hall are both finished, free of carpet and stuck-on, centuries-old padding. There’s still tack strips to contend with, but whatever. Victory is victory.

The bad news is that the wood floors underneath are in far worse condition than I’d hoped. The wood itself doesn’t seem rotted or weak (thank goodness), but it’s pretty stained. Very disgusting. Years and years and years of crap sinking through the carpets and sitting on those lovely floors. There’s an especially nasty circle of filth in the living room.

YAY NO CARPET

YAY NO CARPET

stupid nasty stains :(

stupid nasty stains :(

ughhhh death stain

ughhhh death stain

This is going to sound silly (it is silly), but tearing up all those carpets and putting in all that work just to find those nasty floors underneath feels a little like a personal failure. Oh, sure, I know I didn’t damage the floors and their grossness isn’t a result of anything I did, but I was hoping this whole adventure would end in beautiful flooring. And it didn’t. And that stinks.

Since we don’t own this apartment and there’s no reason to put our money and effort into the place as though we did own it, Joe and I obviously won’t be paying to truly fix up the floors. But we’re not without options. Area rugs can be nice. Or we could paint. Or stain – Joe suggested maybe an ebony stain, which I think sounds nice. Something different. So we’ll see.

When I got back to the house, Josie gave me a stern talking-to. I tried to explain that even though I’m not with her I really am doing all of this for her, but she didn’t want to hear it.

less talking, more petting

less talking, more petting

So instead I let her lecture me and then she settled on my lap and kneaded me with her claws until she felt I was properly chastised. Then we watched another True Blood episode (I really am addicted to that goofy show) and then we called Joe to tell him about our days and she drowned me out with all her mrrrrarrrring. Oh, Josie.

seriously. shut up.

seriously. shut up.

July 14, 2009

One unhappy cat…

Filed under: girls in the world, human training, sadface — Cate @ 12:36 pm

Poor Josie had to get dunked last night. She slipped out the back door when my roommate took the puppy out to do his business and wandered around for a few hours. Josie’s a former stray and loves to be outside, but I try to keep her in due to the massive amounts of poison ivy in our backyard (and because it looks like a jungle out of Jurassic Park the backyard is where all the kitties want to play) and my severe allergy to it. This is second time recently that she’s sprinted for the door. (Darling, I get it: you want to be an inside-outside cat. Just cool your jets for a couple more weeks!)

So she got a bath the second she allowed me to catch her. Poor little girl. She screamed like I was killing her (possibly the most upsetting sound in the world) but only clawed me a couple times. I know it sucks to be forcibly bathed but I just can’t have her spreading poisons all over my house.

She was pretty pissed off (understandably). But this morning she came right up to me and let me pet her and purred like usually, so I guess she’s decided to let me live.

I’m hoping in the new place I’ll be able to let her outside like a real cat. We’ll be living on the second floor but maybe we can make it work. She was content for a long time to just sit in the window and watch, but I think she’s telling me loud and clear now that she’s unsatisfied.

Josie says “jump,” I say, “yes ma’am!”

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